How Can a Stay-at-Home Mom Get Back to Work? - NYTimes.com

A fellow mother and law-school graduate sent me this quandary. I feel her intense frustration in her words, which I take not as a judgment of others, but of herself and her own particular choice. Does anyone have advice about how to restart a career in an economy that is particularly punishing for those who voluntarily pulled the plug, or how to cope with the feeling of having sabotaged yourself, as you search for a way to make it all work out?

I WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK

By JENNIFER ROMANIUK

Advice

Parental Quandary

Every Friday, we pose a question to the Motherlode community. The next week, we pull together the best responses. Got a quandary? E-mail KJ ?.

The tendrils of panic take hold as the school bus rumbles away. I try to shrug it off, but day after day it gets closer to pulling me under. I?m not worried about my children heading off into the world without me. They are frustratingly independent and thrive at school. My worry stems from the empty desk in my home office. What am I going to do today? Still fighting off the panic ? how did this happen? ? I put on my shoes, shove headphones in my ears and run.

Like many Americans today, I am underemployed. But unlike many, I voluntarily walked away from a promising career (somewhat) almost a decade ago. I had no idea how long it would take to claw my way back. I am a lawyer and for several years held a coveted job with a large law firm in the Midwest. It was the kind of job where the compensation was high and the expectations higher. And I loved it.

But soon after returning to work following the birth of my second child, I had to face a stark reality. My husband?s career as a partner in the same firm had skyrocketed. His travel rendered me a single mother many nights, which I could manage with one elementary school age child and a career. But now I had two child care clocks to beat. There were two grumpy, hungry children to feed, bathe and put to bed after a long day. Even a ?reduced billable hour? schedule (available but not yet truly accepted at my firm) seemed daunting. And of course, there is the subtle societal pressure. Successful husband plus multiple children equals stay-at-home mom, right? And think of all of the fun I could have volunteering at my older child?s school. So I walked away.

Unfortunately, I soon realized that I would rather extract my eyeballs with a teaspoon than plan a school fund-raiser or decorate a first-grade classroom billboard. I am bracing for the hateful comments, but I?m going to just lay it out there. I love my children, but my children are not enough. I need more. More important, I want my children to need more. I believe working mothers help foster that elusive sense of independence that seems to be lacking in so many kids today.

I cringe at the criticism of women like Yahoo?s chief executive, Marissa Mayer, who have the audacity to embark on motherhood while maintaining a demanding career. I think Ms. Mayer was fortunate to understand what I did not grasp 10 years ago ? that if she chose to step away from her career, she might never get it back.

I returned to work part time three years ago with the idea that by the time my third child started school, I would be ready to pick up where I left off. And I am ready. But what I didn?t count on was the abysmal job market, not to mention that I am now ?overqualified? for entry-level positions yet not desirable as a senior associate because I do not have a large book of business. There is not enough work in my specialty area at my current firm to support me full time. So here I sit at an empty desk in my home office, wondering what I should do next.

I know I am not the only mom who has faced these issues. I?d like to hear from others and see how they cope, or how they choreographed an escape back to their careers. In the meantime, you can find me pounding the suburban sidewalks trying to ease the panic that my career may have peaked before it really began.

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Source: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/12/how-can-a-stay-at-home-mom-get-back-to-work/

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